The Hidden Damage of Lies of Omission
If I were to ask you, “Are you a liar?” You’d probably say no, right? We often think of dishonesty as outright lying—bold-faced deception that’s easy to spot. But what about the things left unsaid? Lies of omission—intentionally leaving out important details—can be just as damaging, if not more so, to relationships as direct lies. They create cracks in trust (“Is everything you’ve ever told me a lie?”), sow seeds of doubt (‘Can I even trust what you say? What are you leaving out?”), and lead to resentment over time.
Let’s break down what lies of omission are, how they show up in different types of relationships, and why they’re so harmful.
What Are Lies of Omission?
A lie of omission is when you withhold key information that the other person has a right to know, knowing that if they had the full picture, they might react differently. It’s deception through silence rather than words. Sometimes it’s conscious and other times it’s unconscious.
Examples include:
❌ Romantic relationships – Not telling your partner you had lunch with an ex, even though it was completely innocent.
❌ Friendships – Keeping quiet when you hear rumors about a friend that could affect them.
❌ Family relationships – Hiding financial struggles from a spouse or parent to avoid a difficult conversation.
❌ Workplace dynamics – Failing to mention a mistake on a project because you don’t want to get in trouble.
❌ Mentor/Mentee relationships – Withholding constructive feedback that could help someone grow because you’re afraid of upsetting them. Or, withholding a mistake you’ve made because you don’t want to disappoint/upset your mentor.
At first, it may seem like omitting certain details spares feelings or avoids conflict. But in reality, these omissions create distance and undermine trust.
Why Lies of Omission Are So Harmful
1️⃣ They Create Mistrust – When the truth eventually comes out (and it always does), the other person feels betrayed. The issue is no longer just about the original situation but about the deception itself.
2️⃣ They Lead to Assumptions – Without the full picture, people fill in the blanks with their own (often negative) interpretations, leading to unnecessary misunderstandings.
3️⃣ They Erode Emotional Intimacy – True connection requires honesty. Holding back important truths creates emotional distance and prevents authentic relationships.
4️⃣ They Cause Resentment – When someone finds out information was intentionally withheld, it can lead to feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment—damaging the relationship long-term.
5️⃣ They Stall Growth & Accountability – In mentorships, friendships, and professional settings, failing to give or receive honest feedback can keep people from growing and reaching their potential.
How to Break the Habit of Lies of Omission
✔ Be Honest With Yourself – Ask yourself why you’re choosing to leave something out. Are you avoiding conflict? Trying to control the narrative? Fearful of the reaction? Acknowledge the real reason behind your silence.
✔ Practice Radical Honesty – Being truthful doesn’t mean being harsh. It means choosing transparency even when it’s uncomfortable.
✔ Have the Hard Conversations – Difficult discussions strengthen relationships. Approach them with kindness and a willingness to listen.
✔ Trust That the Truth Will Serve You Better – Lies of omission might seem like the easier route in the moment, but honesty fosters trust, respect, and deeper connections in the long run.
Final Thoughts
Lies of omission may seem small at first, but they can have a big impact on every type of relationship—romantic, platonic, familial, and professional. The foundation of strong, fulfilling connections is honest, open communication. If you’ve been holding back out of fear or avoidance, now is the time to start showing up fully in your relationships.
If you’re ready to cultivate deeper, more authentic connections, consider joining Women’s Sustainable JoyCircle—a space where you can learn to communicate with honesty, set boundaries with confidence, and build relationships rooted in trust.
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